This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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