chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
