I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
