i permit you to call me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
