I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize