Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
