I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
