thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
