all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
