take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
