you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
