Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
