Don't you send me to vm
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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