I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
