I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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