Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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