I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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