u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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