don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
