its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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