my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Randomize
