we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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