i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize