some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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