Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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