Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
