If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
