so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
