So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
