My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't deserve a penis
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
