I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
