did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize