Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
