8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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