Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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