then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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