i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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