I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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