can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
