My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize