At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
