I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
