Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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