dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
