I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
