who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
