Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
