I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
