I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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