Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
