he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize