I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I didn't notice because vodka
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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