so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
