I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
