Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
