Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
