last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
