my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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