peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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