Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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