I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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