I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
