Don't you send me to vm
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
