i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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